199. (xiv) In this way a young woman is formed into a wife, and a young man into a husband. This consequence flows from what was said in the earlier parts of this chapter, and in the preceding chapter on married couples being linked so as to be one flesh. A young woman becomes or is made a wife, because a wife possesses elements taken from her husband and so additional, which she did not have before as an unmarried young woman. A young man becomes or is made a husband, because a husband possesses elements taken from his wife, which increase his ability to receive love and wisdom; these he did not have as a young man. These effects take place in the case of those who enjoy truly conjugial love. These, as may be seen in the last chapter (178), are among those who feel themselves a united person, and, as it were, one flesh. It is obvious from this that the character of a young woman is changed into a wifely one in the case of women, and the youthful character into a marital one in the case of men.
[2] The following experience in the spiritual world proved the truth of this to me. Certain men claimed that being linked with a woman before marriage was just like being linked with a wife after marriage. On hearing this the wives were extremely angry and said, 'In fact it is nothing like it; they are as different as what is imaginary and what is real.' The men replied to this, 'Are you not women as you were before?' To that the wives replied in a louder voice, 'We are not women, we are wives. You are experiencing imaginary, not real, love, and this is empty talk of yours.' Then the men said, 'If you are not women, at least you are females.' 'At the beginning of our marriages,' they replied, 'we were females, but now we are wives.'
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